I should leave here right now. I'll start over.
Everyone is racing so fucking fast.
I'm not too proud of the way I have ended up, but I'm not too ashamed either. But yesterday I found myself (mid-escapism) thinking aloud with tears and shaking hands. I sat above green grass and thought about this solitude (I can only express) that I've made myself. I'm killing my social skills, I'm killing my friendships, I'm killing myself. I find it everyday that I become more and more a hermit, and feel further and further from friendship. I've always had a problem with loneliness, but it's getting really bad. I'm not saying loneliness in reference to the female situation, just in an overall consensus. I don't know why I'm writing about it, I just want to find some level ground to mediate something. I don't want to feel completely alone anymore.
Today in film class we watched a movie that I don't really remember the first time around (that I saw it) but I really saw it this time. It was Spike Jonze's Adaptation. I wish I could go into it with this keyboard and hear the never ending noise of fingers to keys tapping, but I'd rather just say if you haven't seen it, do so. If that movie doesn't make you want to feel something, nothing will.
"Point is, what's so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid look exactly like a certain insect so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live - how the only barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way. "
School is basically over, and this is the first time I think I've ever felt... nothing. Summer isn't really reality to me. I have no feeling. I just want to be in New York City, or maybe lost somewhere. I need to find someone. fuck.
"everyone wishes they could be sixteen again"
I'm not too proud of the way I have ended up, but I'm not too ashamed either. But yesterday I found myself (mid-escapism) thinking aloud with tears and shaking hands. I sat above green grass and thought about this solitude (I can only express) that I've made myself. I'm killing my social skills, I'm killing my friendships, I'm killing myself. I find it everyday that I become more and more a hermit, and feel further and further from friendship. I've always had a problem with loneliness, but it's getting really bad. I'm not saying loneliness in reference to the female situation, just in an overall consensus. I don't know why I'm writing about it, I just want to find some level ground to mediate something. I don't want to feel completely alone anymore.
Today in film class we watched a movie that I don't really remember the first time around (that I saw it) but I really saw it this time. It was Spike Jonze's Adaptation. I wish I could go into it with this keyboard and hear the never ending noise of fingers to keys tapping, but I'd rather just say if you haven't seen it, do so. If that movie doesn't make you want to feel something, nothing will.
"Point is, what's so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid look exactly like a certain insect so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live - how the only barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way. "
School is basically over, and this is the first time I think I've ever felt... nothing. Summer isn't really reality to me. I have no feeling. I just want to be in New York City, or maybe lost somewhere. I need to find someone. fuck.
"everyone wishes they could be sixteen again"
posted by Stevie Bloom at 6:35 PM
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