It's only after you've lost everything that you are truly free to do anything

I keep having these crazy feelings that I have stumbled across something completely striking, but it fizzles out and I try to drain something, anything from it.

I have so many ideas in my head, and no medium to get out on.

This was pointless, and just an excuse to post the Supreme Vans that I some how have to get my hands on.





p.s. listen to wu-tang.

for years i've been sleeping helpless

It's been awhile, and I must say, a lot has been going on.

The constant struggle of life is just constantly being thrown into deeper waters, and I keep getting more lost. I wish I could say I am somehow "finding out who I really am, more about me" but I'm not. I'm becoming more and more a stranger.

I have joined the numbers, the stupid statistics, yes, I am one of them. I find myself starring at pictures of when I was young, when we had family, when we had moments, and I can't stop my mind or eyes from wondering when did everything go wrong?

I have reached such a point where I know I can't grab control, that I am moving in my my mother, in rural Bunnel, Florida. It's about 30-40 minutes away from school, and more importantly, and heart-breaking, my best friend. I'm going to hate it, and it's going to be hard, but for some reason, I feel good will come from this. I'm only getting worse there.

Today I went to the skatepark all by my lonesome and put my ipod on and just skated for a few hours. It wasn't too pleasant with the heat, and hurting toe, but it felt so good to just feel something, anything. Plus I got a few nollie heels in. To stop with the text, I can't wait to avoid life more, and skate more.

After that, I came home and layed down because I never sleep at night. I made a playlist earlier with some of the best music ever, it had radiohead, starsailor, neil diamond, smashing pumpkins, etc.. on it and it really hit the spot. I kept waking up to the sigur ros songs though, and they did something to my brain. I had some of the worst dreams I think I've ever had, and I don't want to think of them.

These next few months, or this lack of "season" is my favorite, so I'm trying to look up. My birthday is soon, the weather will change, the nights will be longer, and maybe I will find a girl who will only laugh at my jokes. Or maybe I will still try to be fine without that.

How I wish you were here with me now.

I've given all I can

My body is a crash.

Once again, ventured down to home-land thanks to the wondrous Amber. I wish I could say I remember everything, but I don't.

This weekend was a mixture of love and hate, good and bad, sinners and saints. Too much alcohol, too many drugs, too much money.

I spent over $400 dollars this weekend, I shouldn't of.

I got some Shanghai2's.
I got new jeans.
I got new shit, it doesn't matter.
I lost my keys.

I really don't know why I'm writing this all down, I think in the back of my head I'll want to remember my days, but in the front of my head, I know I don't.

I'm trying to find my beat, something to cue with a better pace.

no chance of escape being teenage and desperate.
familiar feelings that wont fade, it's all my time, and I don't want any time.

I'm in love.

I'll hit the ground running, and I'll never, ever look back

I can't sleep.

I fear that I made a fool of myself one too many time. I fear that I have become such a weak person. I fear that I am becoming dependent on alcohol, and abusing that. I don't want to fuck everything up more than I already have.

I really don't know when things went wrong with me.

I am truly unhappy.

"Lord, can you hear me now?"

don't trust a voice that sounds so sure, cause it only tells you what you want to hear

"Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such." - Henry Miller

Today I was suppose to go and see Coldplay in Tampa, Florida with a complete stranger ( formally met last night, just to make sure I wasn't a "killer" or something). Tragic news was plagued into my ears as we almost got out of this town, Chris Martin is sick. I guess I'll try at the later date, maybe. But hey, it was fun conversing with a stranger, and making a friend with her.

I need pretty badly to head to the apple store, actually the website and order some things. I need to update my software (Tiger) and see about an iSIGHT, and some other programs. And just because I'm a Mac-fag, I need the nano. Also I am going to see about ruining my life, a.k.a., get a credit-card and get an iBook/powerbook. I need the leisure and the comfort.

Today in school, I accomplished great new mountains. For the first time in my life, I got an A on a math test. A 96% to be exact, missing one. I also had my first test is macroeconomics. And I was really sweating that, but overall I think I did fairly well, and can't wait to find out. I need to pick up more on studying and doing work, it's not really like highschool where you don't need to do anything to pass. I'm learning. I also think I'm having a change of heart, I'm not a business man, I need art/design/city/informal/happiness.

I think tonight before I go run I will go make my first lomo purchase. I'm pretty excited, and if it's in stock, I have some pictures to take tomorrow. The Oktomat will hopefully be in my hands within the hour.



I get to go home this weekend, for some reason it seems like it will be the last time for a short bit, starting work and all. The drives are the best part. Also, I get some of my eBay gear.

And finally, Justin let me in on a 'fella who could quite possibly help with some supreme gear, undefeated gear, and some STABS gear.

Time to get a camera, run, shower, and slave to the machine.

I hate my life.

I hope they bury me and send me to my rest headlines reading "MURDERED TO DEATH", my last breath

It's been nine years already? God-damn...

June 16, 1971 - September 13, 1996

R.I.P.

the emptiness stings.

I'm still tying down the basics of this whole situation. I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy, and be too dependent on this thing.

I live for the weekends really, but nights like this ( even when I don't get to go on my usual walk with company ) just simply saving AIM conversations makes it all a worthwhile, late night.

I came across this guy's hosted site, and his stuff is just simply awesome. I need to find a camera that takes pictures with such clarity (yes, I understand that it's the 'person' taking the picture, but so many cameras make shitty developments, I fiend off that crystal-clear clarity.)

Check his work out here (http://interrupt.hampshire.edu/austin/index.html)



I suppose I might as well also document and let this out unto the world. Today was day one. Day one, of fasting, with twenty-nine days behind it, of pure water, and if I can ever find it, 100% pure juice. I must say, even I don't think I can do this, as of now, my stomach is dying. I went to atleast three stores today looking for 100 % juice ( with no sugar and such ) but I simply just don't think it is on this planet.

As of late, I've finalized about most of the birthday gifts for the spawning in twenty-seven days. I hope the gifts I got, are enjoyed.

I totally forgot, tomorrow at 2 P.M., I start my first day at Nike. I'm slowly working myself into the system, from the bottom up.


Coming towards an end, I really can't stress enough how well Renee Heartfelts new tracks are. Everyone needs to get into them, the two haven't stopped the cadence since yesterday, honestly.

And finally, as of tonight it has been confirmed, Amber C. and I will be seeing Damian Marley in St Pete, on November 3rd. ( Five days prior to the spawning of my monster self. )



I'm trying to take control, I mean it is mine, right?

The start of something

New to this world, just like the real one.

I suppose this is just a test.

I ain't too thrilled.