ain't no mystery why i'm in misery in hell... here's hoping you're swell

I saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it

Are things getting out of control? W H O K N O W S.

Last night, was... ?Unbelievable? To think of any term to describe... My mind is lost now, no idea no idea no idea

Today woke up feeling like I had slept for forty days, couldn't open my eyes or move my legs. Finally got up, got ready for work, swallowed three cups of coffee with a forth to go. Get to car, car wont start. I am defeated. I left it on I guess when I came back from the skatepark yesterday, whoa!, go go go. I CAN'T NOT FUCK-UP.

All I felt necessary to do was walk around the yard listening to the Velvet underground. BOO HOO.

for the lack of the drugs my faith had been sleeping.

E V E R Y T H I N G i have made of myself, helped for myself, and obstructed to myself... has gone to shit. None of the 'saving' gestures i have ever done have made it, nothing lasted with 'good-to-do'. I don't miss me, because frankly i don't know me.

With all the problems peeling my head apart my derailed mind can only think of how i hate this blog layout, how i hate that i'm not capitalizing my i's, and how i can't stop myself from temptation of the comatose-lovely-living.

Once again it's a day turned night where i'm stuck in a hell nitched part of florida, wishing i were dead, somewhere else, or just simply with someone else.

i found two beers, one cognac bottle, 1/3 of wine, and nyquil...what kind of world can i enter now.

lifes voids make me realize i hate dull lovers, simply because i can't have that... and i hate that.

"LIFE IS A PIGSTY"

sinful things.

Things started off bad, got worse, and went to real bad.
sirens and ships (10:26:49 PM): i hope you feel 100% better!

It got better.
(you don't know how much I appreciate you)
















Tampa/springbreak update eventually. tons of pictures.
I need saving.

V. 1.0

In Tampa, Fl.

The big picture later on.

producing destruction

F I N A L L Y.

Work is out of the way until Monday, and it feels SO good, let me tell you.

Everything has been buzzing in and out lately, I'm trying to keep up.

Today at work about mid way through the day I took an off-name lortab, and later on I guess I passed out, and woke up in the stockroom with Raekwon on repeat on my iPOD... weird stuff.

This week is going to fly by, sucks in a way...

I've got to get ALL my shit straight, a.s.a.p. (starting monday...)

Tonight will consist of the start of (hopefully) two whole days of non-sober-being...

Thursday is Circa Survive/Saves the day in Orlando, then the weekend...Tampa.

I'm on the hunt for a new backpack (or I'll just order the new stussy one.)

I'm going to detatch myself from the computer for the week/end... God, help me.

Sunday is recovery... I hope.











































I don't think I know who I am.

Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad

I'm not in the mood.

limited unlimited

- iBOOK g4 laptop.
- chalk board
- new living quarters
- supplies (all and everything)
- limits
- miles (MILES)
- save money
- figure out the heart
- new denim, very a.s.a.p.
- more hightops
- more time
- less less sleep
- +++ coffee
- input(mi output)
- THE NEVER ENDING LIST...

The heart feels free.

No anything tonight... It's simply dedicated to Moz. I just got a leaked version of the album, superb.

That junky is in my gutter...

Today I got overwhelmed when I got home, and crawled into my bed and managed to fall asleep for about four and a half hours, needless to say upon waking up - the worst shit-like feeling had crept into my body.

I started to rearrange some stuff, clean some stuff, and throw some stuff away; but that ended right about when this picked up... (note: I'm not proud of this, hence the look on my face, and all I've got to say is Jennifer Lopez sucks at acting...)















Tonight after the much needed internet time I went to eat with the Mom. Sushi, soft-shell crab, and some awesome plum wine. It was very nice, and it was a S I G N... (!!!)

Talked with Eddie for a short bit tonight, the idea is feeling good inside, and there is nothing really holding back the idea (logically and mentally) I'm standing solid with some good hopes. It's got to work out, hot spot.

Ordered a wholesale catalogue from American Apparel, and I'd be lying if I said I'm not more than excited to see the model spread more than the prices...

Other things have been going okay, flexing my head, getting shit straight. I really enjoy making mental notes and lists in my head and writing them down only to be added to the stacks of notes and 'to-do' sheets I have.

Came across this today while searching the internet, it's pretty awesome - artist, ANDRE has this project where basically you approach him with the name of a loved one who is no longer with us and he paints it in remembrance. LOVEGRAFFITI

LISTEN TO THESE ALBUMS, CAUSE IT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO TODAY ALL DAY...
































































CURSE MY ENEMIES...

Roots run deep

F U C K. Life is fucking killing me!!!

I've got this crazy internet crush on this cute ass girl, real C U T E, a real Q-T.

Spring break starts tomorrow, and that means sleeping in a bit, Tampa, some shopping, and some skating. Maybe I'll find time to get some other shit crossed off my list.

Hopefully this summer I can spend two months in Brooklyn, with an awesome person having an awesome time. I want to figure some intern shit too. OH FUCK TIME.




I've got to figure out real soon what's going on with living soon. I just know I can't wait to have my new set-up all put up and straight. Shit will be purely simple and brimmed to the bleakest point.


Tonight my step-father and I had a discussion about everything, and well twenty minutes later, he's going to front me the money for the press, supplies, and shirts. P E R F E C T.



Figuring out all this crazy shit online is so stressful. Wholesale, codes, ssn's..ahhhhhhh.

I can't wait til the meds start kicking in, and I take my shower, and fall asleep.



Starting Saturday it's four days straight of working, then I'm off til school starts again. ORLANDO (circa survive) and TAMPA!!!

The new HUNDREDS line was just dropped and there are some picks I've got to get my hands on. Gotta set up that pay pal, fast.




I'm drifting to become some serious gold, love it.

DON'T SLEEP!!!

"I WANNA FIGHT SOMEONE FROM REEBOK"

1. Big Pun - capital punishment
2. Guided by voices - bee thousand
3. radiohead - kid a
4. ghostface - fishscales
5. Susie suh - s/t

Those five albums have been playing non-stop on my ipod all week, real good.

Spring break starts Friday, and I have a lot to decide before then, it's really stressing me out. I'm gonna be honest, I am fucking sick of school here in boring shit-town St Augustine. There are plenty a cute girl, and the kids come dime a dozen, but I've been here for close to a year and have found nobody to fulfill any status of 'close-friendship'. I'm a bitter, cold soul, and I complain way too much.

I bought a new skateboard today, I couldn't resist - I got a hook-up and I needed one bad. I also found out my job is slowly going down now, closing within the next two or so months. I'm gonna make a few hundred more dollars, pay for my iBOOK, and figure out what the fuck is next, a.s.a.p.

I've been thinking about moving out a lot lately, and I need it bad. I just don't know where I want to go...but now Jax is an option... I think I'd like that.

I think I'm selling my record collection to Ryan Wood for $450.00, and with that money - finally putting down the money to get A.L.A. running and buy a press. I hope this shit all goes down simultaneously as I figure out where I'm moving too, and when I get my new iBook.

Today was pretty bad for awhile, got down on myself pretty hard. Drank a bit too much, drugs a little too many, but it's now about 1:00 a.m. and things are cooling out. I've got a hot head, and it's plenty wild.



I've been sleeping without any sheets at all for the past three nights, and I have no clue as to why. I just pushed them all off one night, and felt the 'homeless mattress' pretty fucking comfortable.

I got out of my Humanities class today and had a voicemail from Darren explaining how there was a 'skateboard shaped box' was delivered - my pushead deck...Needless to say, I got real fucking happy.

some good shit was heard over at weekly drop, for sure a good site to check out and tune into.



I've got this strange soft spot for 'sleazy' looking birds and even more so if they're smoking...so here's a good site to look at all the 'busted beauties" cobrasnake photo'z

"power just makes you reject destiny and devour your fate how many hours I waste, tryin to figure the shit"



Life is fucking stressful, but you've just got to breath it out and breath easy.

DON'T SLEEP...

Stuck in a rut.

Things aren't moving, everything's coming back, I am unsure for everything.

I just spent the last two hours with a slow transition of looking at the ceiling into falling into a bad dream, I'll do it again in two minutes for at least two more hours.

I have nothing, and I still feel like there's something to lose.

More in-depth update later.

You can't kill me, I was born dead.

Wow. It's been a bit of time since an in-deep-depth update, or whatever you want to call it.

Life is a constant cycle of busy, insomnia, busy, coffee, thinking, and coffee. I can't get enough of this life, it's killing me.
Lately I've been in an awful state. Loneliness, self-loathing, and over-thinking are shutting me down. I need a day off of just purging and getting shit out and away.

School is drawing ever more close to an end, finally. It is scaring me shit-less though, I've got to figure everything out a.s.a.p. There's a possibility of moving home to get a house with Danny and Tom, but I really need to think about that before I jump head first in. Regardless, I'm going to continue with classes and school, because knowledge reigns.
I just wish Jaime would decide to take up NYC and we could bail out there. I'm just going to go to France actually.

Work is killing me. It's so exhausting, and ALL THE TIME. I'm going to stop complaining, it gets me nowhere.

Old Stevie always shines through, I'm just who I am. I'm going to ruin it for all of us, and time is not an issue. I'm about to pass out, so this is ending shortly.

Skating is starting to reinstate itself more thoroughly as of late, even if it is only in a parking lot after work, it's great.

My mind is racing everywhere, and my eyes are swirling outward. I keep thinking of nature, and girls, and affection, and trees. Help.

I don't wanna live no more, sometimes I hear death knocking at my front door

FUCK SMALL-CITY LIVING. I like Florida and all, and I will be back no doubt because I love the relaxing aspect of it all, but overall with what i'm 'all about' - it fucking sucks.

I've got few close friendships, few family... basically i've got 'FEW' holding me in here, SO WHY DON'T I FLEE? It's the damn education and society shit again I guess.

I'm so sick of time, it's a major thorn in my side.

Things need to pick up, things need to start m-o-v-i-n-g.

Watched CHINATOWN today - GOOD FUCKING MOVIE.

Other than that, gotta clean/draw/math/read a lot tonight.

All I can think about is how badly I need 123KLAN's STUSSY world tour tee.

THERE. THERE.

I believe I'm going to be going away for awhile. I've got a lot of thinking to do.

without you I'm nothing.